Rant on CBS

I am bringing another rant to you all, which, of course, is entirely unrelated to writing. Maybe by the end of the year I can get this writing blog back on track. In the meantime…

I am really annoyed that CBS does not make their shows available on television in any other way except during the day and time the episodes originally air. They do not allow their shows to be aired on Hulu and very rarely do old seasons show up on Netflix. Why?

Seriously: why? Is there some marketing benefit that I am missing out on? Are they really THAT successful and popular that they can sacrifice the, what I can only imagine is a significant portion of, viewership that no longer watches television like we did in the 80s and 90s? Again, seriously: who watches television that way anymore? I surely do not.

I tried to watch Elementary because I really like Jonny Lee Miller and I am also quite fond of Sherlock Holmes. The show is not really that awesome, but it is good enough that I would watch it with some regularity, IF it were more accessible to me. I tried keeping track of Thursday nights at 10pm EST, but I just kept forgetting. Thursday at 11:30 pm or lunchtime on Friday would come around and I would realize that I had missed it, again. Of the whole first season, I think I only managed to catch 5 episodes.

I acknowledge that CBS has some awesome shows: How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory, for example. I LOVE those shows. What’s that now you ask?: Since I love them so much, do I manage to catch THOSE shows when they originally air? NOPE. Do I watch them online (if they are in fact available on CBS.com)? NOPE. Do I watch them at all? NOPE.

Why not? Because I like watching my television on my television set on my own time. Back in the early 2000s even I would say that this would be an unreasonable demand, but not anymore. Technology has changed the way television works, and I do not care how popular or successful CBS is, their antiquated model does not have the power to shape how people view television.

What happens when people don’t want to watch television the way CBS wants them to watch it? They STEAL those shows by illegally streaming them, or, like me, they just DO NOT WATCH CBS PROGRAMMING at all!! How is this a smart business model?!?

Don’t like Hulu? Fine. Make your own “app,” or whatever it would be called, to allow people to stream your programming on their Rokus or PS3s or WDs or blueray players, or whatever apparatus people happen to be using. Is that expensive to develop? I dunno. Probably. But if they are that dead-set against Hulu and Netflix, then if they do not want to alienate their younger audience (and I am not even that young, but their 18-49 year old demographic generally does not watch television the way we did in the 80s and 90s), they need to get with the program and develop SOMETHING.

What’s that now? They HAVE?!  Whoopee!!…Wait, what? Only for tablets? And then mostly only clips? WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM!!?!!

Seriously, CBS, make your sh*t available so we can watch it on our televisions at our convenience. I’d even consider paying a $2/month subscription, but $5 and no deal – I only pay $8 for HuluPlus and get access to WAY more than one network’s worth of programming.

To repeat: I don’t care how you do it, just figure out some way to make your sh*t available to me, because even though I get really, really annoyed that I cannot watch The Big Bang Theory, I don’t care THAT much about your programming to go out of my way to live my life the way y’all want me to. You don’t care about me? Well, the consequences of that are that I don’t care about you. Evidence: I’ve never seen a single episode of 2 Broke Girls, The Mentalist, the new Hawaii 5O, or Mike and Molly. I’ve also not seen Criminal Minds, The Big Bang Theory, or NCIS in years (I did, however, catch up on How I Met Your Mother on NETFLIX recently). I know I’m not alone.

Can you really afford to continue to alienate people like me? Perhaps for the moment, but there will come a day when your execs will realize they’re no longer on top and that they are so far behind the technology that your network will crumble in on itself and potentially cease to exist. Will I notice? Probably not, because I’m not watching your sh*t anyway.

TLDR; make your sh*t available, because I want to watch Under the Dome this summer.

*phew* I feel better. Thanks for listening.

Categories: Miscellaneous, Television | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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